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amarrsbar
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Name: Ariel
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Abilene
Birthday: 8/14/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: (in no specific order) books, music, movies, music, poetry, music, IM, e-mail, just talking--period!--, church, friends...and can I say that food is an interest? b/c it is. oh, and after a year at college, I've found that sleeping is a heck of a lot more interesting than it used to be. and did I mention music?
Expertise: Overanalyzing. Being difficult. Finding holes...and walls. Really, just hurting myself in general. I'm also extremely good at...being right. ;-)
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  amarrsbar
Yahoo:  amarrsbar
Member Since:
1/24/2005
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| I was commenting on someone else's blog a moment ago and it got me
thinking. I mentioned that the way you react doesn't necessarily mean
anything except that you cope with situations differently for other
people.
My thoughts digress a lot. So I started thinking about
Chris and me--not that that's really unusual--and about how differently
we cope with the long-distance thing. Both of us get frustrated with
each other when there's no reason to. I think his frustration tends to
be more apparent though, whereas lately I spend most nights crying
because more than I'm frustrated, I'm lonely...and sad...and I want
someone to hold my hand and kiss my forehead and hug me and tell me
everything's just fine. It doesn't really have the same effect when
you're on the other end of a phone line saying the same.
It
doesn't help that I come up here at 8:00 in the morning to a job that I
hate where I run other people's errands and do other people's busy work
and get bitched at by people because they can't have their way or just
because they just feel the need to be hateful--and who better to be
hateful to than someone who is supposed to be pleasant, no matter how
unpleasant people are to them? I shouldn't even have to be here at
8:00 every day, but apparently nobody else can work the morning shift
this week, and they also don't give a damn whether I get a lunch break
or not before I go downstairs and work my other job.
I want to
go hide in my office right now. Or in my bed. With a pint of ice
cream. Maybe a good book. Or perhaps my own good pillow.
But
the thing is...I spend most of my time feeling like I've done something
wrong or screwed something up, or thinking that I am in the process of
doing so, or wondering when I will next. I'm not always so sure that
everything I do is the right decision or a wrong one or if it doesn't
really matter. But with Chris, I know that I'm doing something right.
And that's all there is to it: I know that this is one thing that I
absolutely cannot get wrong.
So...I'm gonna get going. Have fun for me, all. Take care.
~Ariel | | |
| THIS WAS ACTUALLY PUBLISHED IN MY MYSPACE BLOG AT 10:52 AM ON
MONDAY, JULY 30. I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO UPDATE THE TIME STAMP
SO....HERE YA GO.
I'm about to go insane. There's some old lady standing on the other
side of the desk bitching over the phone to companies about how much
she hates agitators in washing machines while trying to find a new one,
because she hates her new machine with an agitator and it's noisy and
blah-blah-blah. She was mad at me when she came in earlier because I
told her everyone was in a meeting and she was in an awful hurry to
speak to someone about locating reference material. I want to throw
something at her face.
In case you didn't gather, I'm not in the best of moods.
I
went to the Metroplex with my parents Friday a week ago. They dropped
me off at the airport and then hung around DFW for a while. I made it
to my terminal rather quickly and then had over an hour to sit around
before my plane started boarding. I couldn't do anything because I was
too agitated. So finally the plane boarded and I made it to Denver.
Called Chris and talked to him for a few. He had already checked into
the hotel and had things arranged with Richard to come pick me up.
Gotta love layovers...or not. By the time I made it out to Vegas, I
was about 3/4 of the way through the 6th Harry Potter. Gave me
something to do, you know?
Arrived at McCarron International,
and I thought I'd never make it off that plane. I practically ran
through the terminal trying to make it to baggage claim. Because that
was going to make my bag come out faster so I could see Chris, you
know? I'm a little nervous because I've met Chris' brothers only
briefly, so it's going to be awkward. Then I find that not one
brother, but both have come after me. Baggage was lots of fun. I'm
standing there with my boyfriend's brothers and feel it might be
prudent to explain to them that I actually borrowed Erin's suitcase,
and I think I know what it looks like, but I'm not positive. So the
belt starts moving and I'm freaking out because I don't see it
anywhere. It went something like, "Shit! They lost my suitcase...they
lost my suitcase. This is bad." And then we realized that it was an
Alaska flight, not the Denver flight, that had luggage coming out. A
few minutes later, after chasing down my suitcase, we left.
The
brothers swung me by the hotel so I could leave my baggage behind and
then we went up to Barnes & Noble. Chris was all dressed up as
Hagrid...so cute. He had to take off the beard so he could kiss me
hello, but even then...well, his brothers were standing there staring
at us, so it wasn't as enthusiastic a greeting as we may have been
planning on. I stood around grinning like an idiot, though. I finally
got so tired I was falling over, so I found a chair and went to sleep
for a while before he got off.
We didn't actually go out and do all that much while I was there,
which was okay with me. There was a movie theatre at the hotel/casino
we were staying at, so we saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and then a few days later, Ratatouille.
Great fun. Hung out some with his brothers...I like them, and since
they a) laugh with me and b) talk to me, Chris thinks they must like
me. We also went out with his mom for lunch one day. I figure I'm
doing okay because I was able to carry on a conversation with her when
Chris left us alone for a few minutes.
While I was there, we visited Hoover Dam, Boulder City, some mall in
Las Vegas where I had Haagen Dazs ice cream, and the strip. Hoover Dam
was kinda cool....it's freaking huge. You have no idea until you visit
just how large it is, I don't care how many statistics and crap you
look up about it. The surrounding mountains were kinda pretty, too.
The night we went down to the strip, we went to the New York New York,
where we rode the roller coaster (it's awesome!) and ate at the Nine
Fine Irishmen (an Irish pub inside the casino). Then we went down the
the Bellagio, where we caught the end of a fountain show and watched
two more. Took a few pictures out there, and then had to go back to
the hotel because it was late and we had to get up early the next
morning. He wanted to take me to see the Venetian, but we ran out of
time.
Las Vegas has some amazing food. I think we probably spent more
time eating while I was there than any other one thing. There's a ton
of excellent food, though. That's one thing you have to give Las Vegas
credit for: some fantastic restaurants. I mean, there are apparently
places that suck, too, but of course Chris didn't take me to those.
More than anything, it was nice to spend time with him...and I don't
know that I've ever had a week pass so quickly. Really. By the time I
left, I turned into a wreck -- enough so that when I was going through
security at the airport, the security guard gave me Kleenex. It was
very nice of him. We got to the airport late that morning (traffic!),
so by the time I got to my gate, they were boarding the last group and
had already called my name to come check in...more than once, I'm
guessing.
Justin's friend Jay picked me up at DFW and took me to Justin's.
Justin was there by the time we arrived and we all went out for dinner
and ice cream. Justin and I slept in on Friday and then spent most of
the day at the Galleria. We shopped some: I got some clothes and a
present for Chris. Had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory...mmmmmmmmmm.
Saturday we stayed around Dallas until Justin's dry cleaning (he needed
it Sunday) was ready to pick up. Then we drove down to A-town, had
dinner at Little Italy, and went to the mall for a bit. I had my ring
finger sized on demand.  We just sort of hung out, I got all
nostalgic and bought a Ben Folds CD, and then we hit Starbucks. He had
to go home after that, so....my visits were no more.
Erin woke me up yesterday...I actually got out of bed the second
time she called. We went to eat lunch at A Taste of Asia. Chatted it
up, I went back to my house, finished the 7th Harry Potter (I didn't
start it until I got back), and did laundry. Oh, and I talked to Chris
a lot. And then I was in a big hurry this morning because I woke up
about 25 minutes late.
So...I've been at work since 8:00 and I've been pretty
unproductive. I want to be back with Chris. And I haven't had the
greatest morning what with people who think it's great to bitch at me
and give me a hard time, particularly when everyone in the library was
gone to a meeting this morning. They just pick bad times to do things
like this. Everyone.
I'm going to get a bit done now....work, I mean. Hope you're all well, and I'll talk to you later. Peace and hugs.
~Ariel
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| Tomorrow. I'm going to see him tomorrow.
I wish I could tell
you how excited I am...I can't. I'll probably get really antsy while
traveling...Damn the 3-hour--or is it 4?--layover in Denver!
I'm so tired...I haven't been sleeping much lately. I'm too excited about going to see him.
Probably won't post anytime next week. I have better things to do
while I'm with him. Like...spending time with him instead of a
computer. I think he'll like that.
I was pretty hyper when I
got into work today. It's only gotten worse...I don't think the
frappuccino really helped me any, though.
I'm gonna get
going...library closes soon and I'll have to make my rounds and be sure
that people aren't here, books are picked up, chairs pushed under
tables, etc. Have a great week! Don't do anything I wouldn't do....
~Ariel | | |
| I'm not a big fan of two 8:00 shifts in a row, so I'm trying really
hard not to think about the one I have tomorrow. I do get to come in
later on Thursday!--but I work until 10:00. And then I'll go home and
finish packing and all that jazz. Well, in actuality, I'll probably
start packing. I'm already starting to have trouble sleeping; I don't
imagine it will get any better until I'm actually out there. I feel
jittery, and I don't think it's the coffee I just drank. Three more
days....
I don't know why, but I have a guilty conscience about
feeling nervous about seeing Chris. You're not supposed to get nervous
when you see your significant other...not unless you have something bad
to tell them, which I don't. I am slightly comforted by the fact he's
getting nervous, too.
Additionally, I'm getting a bit more
irritable. I will grant that that could be owing to circumstances
other than the impending visit. Like...working circulation...living
with dirty person when I'm trying to get things cleaned up before I
leave so Justin doesn't have to come visit a dirty house...spending
lots of time being really hot because it's a humid summer in Abilene,
Texas...living in Abilene, Texas. Those are all things that could annoy a person.
Maybe
I should focus on good things. Like that fact that Erin and I actually
get along these days. A few of my friends that are currently in
Abilene want to hang out with me, so I rarely spend an entire weekend
sitting around my house alone. I have a ceiling fan in my bedroom
(yeah, well, it excites me). I'm getting paid to sit here and put up
with people and write blogs and play games online and read. I have a
month-old cute haircut that I am still getting compliments on. I did
laundry yesterday and my bedding smells like dryer sheets. Those are
all good, right?
I digress. Well, maybe I don't. I'm not sure
there was anything to digress from. I think my blogs are a sort of
stream-of-consciousness type thing. I got on here with something
important to say...now I can't seem to think of what that was. Anyway,
I have a bit longer to sit here, so I think I'm gonna read a book or
something. Hope you're all well...
~Ariel | | |
| Eight more days. Each day seems like an eternity. I'm really trying
to keep myself busy so I don't get restless...sometimes it works,
others it doesn't. I've been reading Jane Austen, and I'd get through
a page and realize I started thinking about Chris while I was reading
and had no idea what the page said.
Long-distance relationships
are awkward. He left a little over a year ago, and I have seen him
twice--this will be the third time. It's weird to go four or five
months without seeing him and then visit and pick right back up where
we left off. There's a part of me that feels like I need to become
re-acquainted with his presence, but there's not time for that and I'm
forced to just jump in. Phones were a wonderful invention; you can
talk to people from hundreds, even thousands of miles away. But it's
no substitute for the warmth of another person holding you or a kiss on
the forehead or even the feeling you get from being near someone
special.
I thought my flight had been booked before it was.
When it was, the really really good times weren't left. I'm losing
most of a waking day off my trip because I'm arriving so much later and
leaving so much earlier. Chris' brother Richard is going to pick me up
from the airport, take me to the hotel to drop off my luggage, and take
me to Chris' work. Richard's threatening to wear a suit and hold a
sign with my name on it. Apparently he figures he should look the part
if he's going to be my chauffeur. Justin's having to get his friend
Jay to pick me up from DFW because now I'm flying in while Justin's
still at work. Why can't the world just revolve around me? I like it
when it does that...or at least, I think I would if it ever happened.
Ah,
well, I need to get going. Hope everyone is well. Shoot me a message
or something: I promise I'll answer. And now, another Billy Collins
poem to make the day better. Take care, all.
~Ariel
Not Touching
By Billy Collins
The valentine of desire is pasted over my heart
and still we are not touching, like things
in a poorly done still life
where the knife appears to be floating over the plate
which is itself hovering above the table somehow,
the entire arrangement of apple, pear and wineglass
having forgotten the law of gravity,
refusing to be still,
as if the painter had caught them all
in a rare moment of slow flight
just before they drifted out of the room
through a window of perfectly realistic sunlight. | | |
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